Monday, December 22, 2008
Trip to Las Vegas
The first guy says, "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms and hollers 7 come 11 all night and I port't had a sparkle of doze!"
The instant guy says, "I know what you mean... My old lady played blackjack the totality time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers 'hit me light or hit me hard' and I port't had a sparkle of slumber moreover!"
The third guy says, "You guys think you have it bad! My old lady played the slots the totality time we were there and I waken up each morning with a sore willie and an ass satisfied of quarters."
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The Last Dime
Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, George went on the lecture circuit, where he told his incredible story. He told his audiences that he was eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever found the man he would share his fortune with him. After months of lectures, a man in the audience jumped up and said, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the dime."
George replied, "You're not the one I'm looking for. I'm looking for the guy who left the bathroom stall open!" read more
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
The Las Vegas Gambling Trip Joke
The professor turned to the man with the gun and said, "He's not going to tell you. He said he'd rather die first." read more
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
What a Moron!
Potter quickly lost all of his money and went to sit on the bench. He waited and waited and waited some more. After what seemed an eternity, he saw Harry coming toward him carrying a huge sack of coins.
"Hey, Potter," said Harry, "how'd you do?" "Well, Harry", said Potter, "you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though." "Oh yeah," said Harry, "did I ever find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you - you can't lose! Every time you put in a buck four quarters come out!" source
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Bill Gates Chooses Heaven or Hell
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
You're Going to Hate Fridays
Satan: Why so glum?
Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell!
Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Satan: Well you're going to love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, Tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca. And we don't worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great!
Satan: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it!
Satan: All right! You're going to love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow, that's awesome!
Satan: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Satan: 'Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt... you're dead anyhow.
Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!
Satan: You gay?
Guy: No...
Satan: Ooooh (grimaces). Then you're going to hate Fridays.
Not all Blondes are Dumb
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.
She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed… “YES! YES! I WON, I WON!”
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?”
The other answered, “I don’t know - I thought you were watching.”
MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.