Casino Poker Jokes

Here's a casino poker joke for NWP members:

Q: What is empty and completely void of general decency?
A: Jewdonk's conscious

Poker Badbeats are just like butt cracks….Everyone has one.

Q: How many poker jokes you can fit in a book?
A: As many as Phil Hellmuth says it's ok to have in it.

Here's a poker joke about Full Tilt Poker Pro Phil Ivey:

Phil Ivey isn't a mind reader.-He just stares at you until you wet your pants and you have to muck your hand.

Here's a poker joke for all you daydreamers:

A man is awaken during sleep by a genie. The genie says that he will grant the man one wish and one wish only. He says that he wants to build a bridge from heaven to his house so that he can visit his dead family and friends. The genie says that that's impossible due to the amount of steel and the logistics of it.

The man retorts, I would like to run good enough that I could win the World Series Of Poker, jokes the man.

The genie responds "Um.. How many lanes you want?"

True Story poker joke:

After playing a session of 2-4 Limit hold em a man walks out of a casino and is approached:

Solicitor: "Sir, would you care to donate to the Disabled Vets?"
Man: "Sorry, I gave at the Casino."

Here's a religion poker joke:

Q: What is the similarity between a poker room and a church?
A: You both have grown men on their knees begging to "suck out"

A poker joke overheard at a local casino:

Q: What does a casino poker player eat for dinner?
A: Whatever his comp card allows him to.

Poker jokes are like butt cracks- everyone has one and they are all bad.

You know your playing too much poker when your friend tells you a joke and you respond "Wow, that's the nutz"

Two Blondes are playing poker and one says to another I wish I made my "gut-shot".

The other one looks puzzled and says; "Why would you want to get blood all over your shoes?

Here an old poker joke but a good one:

A 12 year old boy comes home from camp and walks into his parents' room. Mom and dad are in bed having sex. The boy asks, "What are you doing?" His dad replies, "Playing poker. Now get out of here." He goes to his older sister's room to find his sister and her boyfriend in bed having sex. The boy asks, "What are you doing?" His sister replies, "Playing poker. Now go away." He goes to his older brother's room and finds his brother masturbating. He asks his brother, "What are you doing?" His brother replies, "Playing poker." The boy asks, "I thought that it takes two to play poker." His brother replies, "Not if you have a good hand."

Q: What's the difference between poker players and politicians?
A: Politicians tell the truth

Heres a great poker joke to tell amongst friends:

Q: What's the difference between Phil Hellmuth and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Phil Hellmuth

Another poker joke for NWP members:

Q: How do you get Micon (or any professional poker player) off your doorstep?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

Here's a classic poker joke:

A guy with proper bankroll management, a smart blond and a dumb blond are engaged in a free online casino poker game.
Q: Who do you think will win?
A: The dumb blond, obviously. Because the other two don't even exist!

Good poker joke for online players:

Q: What's the difference between online poker and live poker?
A: You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.

Poker joke for all you fish:

Q: Where does a professional poker player meet all his opponents?
A: The aquarium.

Q: When do poker jokes/bad beats go out of style?
A: When there's no one listening to them.

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